Make It Rain.

After a day long skate trip, I figured Sandler would be tired. I was looking forward to the luxury of an early turn-in and a quiet evening to myself. My fantasy was over as soon as I pulled up to retrieve him from the skatepark. I was greeted with a quick hello followed by the question, “Can I skate for five ‘mo’ minutes?”

As much as I was hoping to take a day off from having to sit up against a cement wall, cheering on his beloved activity, I could not say no to his dedication. There I sat for Sandler’s five minutes… which in typical people time, is an hour and a half.

Once the sun had finally set and my derriere was numb, I bribed him with whatever gourmet drive-thru I could think of to force him out of the skatepark. As we drove out of the parking lot, I realized we were trapped in traffic going both ways due to the OC Fair. Normally, I would dread having to sit in the car amongst halted vehicles. However, I knew there would be priceless people watching given the likes of the fair clientele. I also figured inching along in traffic would give Sandler a head start on his night’s sleep.

I certainly was not wrong about the interesting view from the car—as we barely moved amidst the colorful characters—but boy was I mistaken when I thought Sandler would be too tired to converse. He was not tired at all. In fact, he was ready to cover some ground that, once again, made me contemplate where he comes up with his thoughts and questions.

He began talking about the fair, which made sense, since we were practically parked in the street with no choice but to stare at the enticing rides and smell the aroma from the fabulous foods. Then out of left field he said, “I need to get five hundred dollars so I can go to a club.” Not only was I confused by the conviction in his statement, but I could not figure out how he even knew what a club was, nor why he would need that much money to go to one. I had to dive deeper. His response just about caused me to collide with the car in front of me, “Because I’m going to buy a lady!” Not knowing exactly what was going to come out of my mouth, I quickly rolled the windows up and said, “You are absolutely not going to ‘buy a lady’!”

Sandler: “Is it illegal?”

Me: “Yes! You don’t want that kind of lady. She’s called a hooker, and hookers are dirty!”

Sandler: “You’re not dirty.”

Me: “Exactly! That’s not my profession.”

It ended with him simply saying, “Okay.”

I may have given him too much information, and I will certainly regret teaching him the word “hooker” in the near future; in my defense, I was not ready for that conversation. I have said this all along and am reminded of it every day—children are on this planet to shock, humble, and embarrass parents. Sandler just takes those things to a whole new level.

- Nikki