Rotten Tomatoes.

I knew it was going to be a difficult recovery when the doctor said Sandler had to stay off the board due to his leg. I have been through many surgeries with the kid; even after having major procedures, he typically wakes up from anesthesia ready to rock-n-roll. Most doctors have discharged us early and wished me luck on getting him to follow any of the post-op instructions. Sandler also happened to come down with a 103 fever the day after his injury. On the bright side, the fever just about knocked him out, which kept his mind off of the fact that he could not skate.

In his twelve years, I do not think he has ever felt so crummy. Between the flu, mixed with the short term depression of not being able to skateboard, I was willing to let him do anything to make him feel better; even if it meant letting him pick out the entertainment. Sandler has never been one who favors television, video games, or anything that does not involve physical activity or socializing. I was not sure what the heck he was going to watch while being forced to couch sit. As with everything, he managed. In fact, he turned into his own version of Rotten Tomatoes.

For Sandler, the only second to skateboarding is Christmas. Naturally, he picked “Elf” as the first flick. After viewing it for the umpteen millionth time, he moved on to “Daddy’s Home 2” (another Will Farrell, holiday movie). About half way into that one, a familiar look appeared on his face; one of intrigue and confusion. I braced myself for what would inevitably be a complicated question.

“Mommy, that guy looks like ‘Buddy The Elf’. That does not make any sense. Why do they look the same?” I sighed in relief that I had averted a difficult question involving Santa Clause. However, I did not really know how to protect him from the disappointment he woud suffer if I told him “Buddy The Elf” is not real. The best I could come up with was that they are probably twin brothers. He was satisfied and moved on to the next.

I finally had to excuse myself, take a break from our critiquing duo, and reboot after the intense Q and A sessions. I figured he would continue to go through the entire Christmas catalog of movies on Netflix, and I could get some chores done. Much to my surprise, when I checked in on him, he was intently watching “Orange is the New Black” with a big smile on his face. Being familiar with the series, I could not figure out why he was watching it; more strangely, enjoying it so much. I inquired. In typical Sandler fashion, he answered without hesitation, “Mommy, this is a great ‘movie’! These girls are in that place you tell Bootsie and I we have to go to if we are naughty: Juvenile Hall! You are allowed to say bad language there.”

Once again, I was at a loss for words. As I pondered his interpretation of the movies and series, he so carefully critiqued, a few things were confirmed: 1) He does not have a future as a movie critic. 2) I need to find a new threat, because now he thinks Juvenile Hall is awesome. 3) He cannot get back on that skateboard soon enough.

I cannot watch another Christmas movie in September.

- Nikki