The Question.
A few days ago, Sandler came up to me and asked, "Mommy, is 'retard’ a bad word?"
After picking my heart up off the floor, and regaining feeling in my tongue to answer his question, I was shocked to calmly respond, "Buddy, it's not a kind word at all, and it's not one you should ever use. Many people use words before thinking about how harmful they can be…”
I was even able to hold it together long enough to answer the gut wrenching follow up question,
"Mommy, am I a 'retard’?"
To which I answered, "You're nothing but a whole lot of handsome, smart beyond your years, talented for miles, and the coolest skateboarder I know!"
His inquisitive mind and trailblazing thought process brings forth some of the most genuine and intriguing questions. His incredibly challenging inquiries are of the nature no parent wants to process, let alone answer or explain. The other day was one of many moments when I realized there is not a single guidebook to help navigate answering the unique questions that come with Sandler’s make up. I have found, the best thing to do is put him on that skateboard, let him rip, and figure it out himself. When he gets that board beneath his feet, handshakes his fellow skaters, and focuses on executing his current trick: the thought process is redirected in such a productive way that the other 'stuff' is forgotten.
I have clocked countless hours watching the dynamics of the skatepark, since Sandler’s obsession, and rarely is there a moment I am not completely fascinated. Within minutes of arriving, people Sandler was unacquainted with mere days ago, run up to greet him. They see him as an equal—a skating peer, not as the 'special needs' kid who is different in nearly every way. The skaters range in age from barely walking, to well into their 50's. People head to the skatepark for a plethora of different reasons: to exercise, battle internal aggression, release endorphins, get out of the house, hone their skills… whatever the reason, the beautiful thing is that they are doing an individualized sport, but at the same time, encouraging one another—no matter the age, skill, race, or condition. The support is infectious!
However, the skatepark, like the world, still has unkind words floating around. Wherever there is a public, there is going to be less-than-perfect behavior. That is a part of life I cannot protect from my children. However, I am grateful that more often than not, when they hear such words, they are unaffected. To them, they either do not recognize the words, or they figure those using them are having a 'moment', and must be over twenty-one… (that is the age I tell them many people are allowed to start making choices apart from parental guidance)
Much to my surprise, the skateboarding community, that Sandler has joined, embraces his differences, and serves as a support group. In fact, it has become a network of friends who are not only interested in his story, his challenges, but empowered by his ability, and enjoy the conversations he fearlessly strikes up. I find it compelling to see the skateboarding community operate as such a separate, yet supportive, unit. I am forever grateful that Sandler found skateboarding—or rather, that skateboarding found him.
- Nikki